Reasons For Our Insecurities
We too often let our fears turn into insecurities that end up taking over our lives. Our insecurities can be crippling and cause anxiety in moments when we have no real need to feel anxious. Anxiety about weight, not being good enough, shame, guilt, not being smart enough, or not deserving of love. These insecurities can keep us from the things and even the people that we love.
Usually, when we end up separating ourselves from the things and people we love is because we are good at hiding our insecurities. We then can isolate ourselves even more because we lead the people we care about to think that we are okay. But even in times of insecurity, anxiety, and feeling isolated, there are still ways we can build up our self-esteem and find happiness.
Here are a few reasons why we end up feeling insecure and somethings we can do to help us become for confident and have better self-esteem.
Failure & Rejection
Recent events in our lives can definitely affect how we feel about ourselves. Common life events such as an ended relationship or loss of a job can leave us feeling rejected and unhappy. Unhappiness influences our self-esteem and feeling like we’ve failed or when we have been rejected can put a huge dent in our confidence. According to Guy Winch, author of Emotional First Aid, rejection leads us to see both ourselves and other people negatively.
Lack of Confidence Socially
Some of us may have fears whenever we are in social situations. The fear of being judged by others and seen as “less than” can make us feel anxious and self-conscious. Past experiences (such as bullying) can leave us feeling less important or just not good enough. Sometimes we have distorted beliefs (negative thoughts & beliefs) that we’ve taken away from these past experiences about ourselves.
In our society, we look at perfectionism as being something to strive for. Being busy all the time, striving to be good at all things, and believing that being hard on ourselves is how we become successful. In reality, perfectionism can be very toxic to us. When we are constantly disappointed and blaming ourselves for being anything less than perfect, we will begin to feel insecure when we can’t meet our high expectations and standards that we have set for ourselves.
Ways to help when you feel insecure
Allow room for healing from any event from the past or present
Find a hobby or something that you are interested in to start to occupy your time
Don’t be afraid to reach out to family and friends
Start saying positive things about yourself instead of negative things
If you are afraid to be around people you think will judge you, go be around them anyway! Most of the time when you put yourself in uncomfortable situations they usually end up not being as bad as you thought.
Remind yourself that everyone has insecurities. If someone is judging you or being ugly towards you in a social setting, its more than likely that they are also insecure.
Don’t be so hard on yourself if you can’t have complete control over something or certain situations.
If you are a perfectionist, try to focus on your good qualities whenever you feel something has not gone your way or didn’t meet your standards. Try to look at the good things about those situations in order to let go of some that perfectionist mindset.
Psychology Today: 3 Most Common Causes of Insecurity & How to Beat Them
Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, & Other Everyday Hurts - by Guy Winch Ph.D.